Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Well, as many of you know Hannah has been sick with a cold since Saturday. She has had a fever of 102.5 each day until today it was 101.8. I have been giving her fever reducing meds to help but she hasn't been feeling well at all. I had her home nurse come a day early to check her weight because I thought Hannah was looking more thin. She has lost exactly 1lb since being sick. Now she weighes 27.8 pounds. Hannah's name has been put on the temple rolls of 3 temples thanks to my loving sister Leah. She will also get a blessing tonight when Josh gets home from work. Please pray that Hannah can gain back this weight as she truly is starting to look sickly with all the bones in her chest poking through her skin. :( We really didn't want a set back in her weight but that is how it is sometimes. Colds just take a stronger hold on her because she doesn't have any fat stores to help her out. Hannah turns 4 years old in a month so you can just imagine how 27 pounds looks on her little body. Thank you all for everything!
Thank you for all your comments and the article. In the end I do have a great testimony that the Lord of course will not deny us any blessings. I do feel at peace on the subject. I no longer feel as though it is forgotten and perhaps it was the spirit telling me so as I read your article comment. I know that is the article my sister was talking about. Thank you for finding it for me. :) I am glad that you have my blog address to keep in touch with me. I will miss my old ward and miss your lessons. I always thought you did a great job teaching RS. Take care.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
My sister Leah called me today and she said she found an article after contemplating my question and thought that it should clarify the situation a little bit. She found it on LDS.org I believe. Anyway, it said that a baby's spirit enters the body around the time of quickening and if you lose a baby before the age of viability that spirit will still come to you. A spirit will be yours in heaven and apart of your family tree pages if it is past the age of viability and dies either before birth or after. So my miscarriage at 8 weeks essentially would not be a viable body and no chance of survival. That spirit would still get a chance so it will still come to me if it hasn't already. We all will get a chance to raise our babies in the millenium if they lost their lives after the age of viability or quickening. I am not sure exactly on the pregnancy timeline but it does make sense to me. I will post the article when she emails it to me. Thank you for commenting on my question. If anyone else hasd something to add please do so.
Friday, February 20, 2009
What happens to babies that die? I don't mean babies that move and you can feel kick you and stuff. I mean miscarriages - early ones. Aren't they real babies too? I am feeling stressed out by moving and emotional from being pregnant and after reading a few blogs on other people's early miscarriages I can't help but think of my own now. I was 8 weeks along when I lost our first baby. I know it had a heartbeat from the surgical report. I never really talked about it but after my tube ruptured and I needed emergency surgery I felt very sad at home. My stomach was swollen and I was so weak from nearly dying. I felt very lost and no one could relate which was terrible. I wanted to be back to normal and that didn't happen very fast which was a constant reminder of what I had lost. I didn't have any family around to help me and pretty much it was just "get on with life". I had that feeling like well, my baby was only 8 weeks. At least it wasn't farther along thank goodness. But I never got to say how I really felt to anyone. It seemed like whenever I spoke about it it made people very uncomfortable so I just stopped and felt more alone. I want to say this now, to get it off my chest. To release it and be at peace with my feelings. I LOVED my baby and had wanted it for many years. I did everything right by having a temple marriage and security before welcoming a child into our lives. Just because I was ONLY 8 weeks doesn't take away the pain of the loss. I could have another sweet Maizer or another sweet Hannah here and I don't. I am grateful for my children and the one on the way. But I am not talking about them. I am talking about the one I never named. The one I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. The one that I wonder about from time to time and think will you ever be mine again? Will I see you? Do you count or were you too small to be mine in heaven? Did God just send you again as in Hannah or Maizer? Does anyone know how this works? I am feeling the need to have your opinion, to be guided in some way so that I can be at peace when I think of my baby that never came to be. A baby that was REAL and upsets me to think has been forgotten. I haven't forgotten. I love you always little baby.
I have known of Rachel and her daughter Carly since last year. I read her story and watched all her videos. Then I stumbled on a blog from Rachel again this time about her daughter Hannah. Rachel lost both her daughters and her story is inspiring, touching, and one that I believe deserves support and prayers. I have posted her link on my blog so that anyone who would like to visit can and lend support to her. Thanks!