Friday, February 20, 2009

Answer this question for me please...

What happens to babies that die? I don't mean babies that move and you can feel kick you and stuff. I mean miscarriages - early ones. Aren't they real babies too? I am feeling stressed out by moving and emotional from being pregnant and after reading a few blogs on other people's early miscarriages I can't help but think of my own now. I was 8 weeks along when I lost our first baby. I know it had a heartbeat from the surgical report. I never really talked about it but after my tube ruptured and I needed emergency surgery I felt very sad at home. My stomach was swollen and I was so weak from nearly dying. I felt very lost and no one could relate which was terrible. I wanted to be back to normal and that didn't happen very fast which was a constant reminder of what I had lost. I didn't have any family around to help me and pretty much it was just "get on with life". I had that feeling like well, my baby was only 8 weeks. At least it wasn't farther along thank goodness. But I never got to say how I really felt to anyone. It seemed like whenever I spoke about it it made people very uncomfortable so I just stopped and felt more alone. I want to say this now, to get it off my chest. To release it and be at peace with my feelings. I LOVED my baby and had wanted it for many years. I did everything right by having a temple marriage and security before welcoming a child into our lives. Just because I was ONLY 8 weeks doesn't take away the pain of the loss. I could have another sweet Maizer or another sweet Hannah here and I don't. I am grateful for my children and the one on the way. But I am not talking about them. I am talking about the one I never named. The one I don't know if it was a boy or a girl. The one that I wonder about from time to time and think will you ever be mine again? Will I see you? Do you count or were you too small to be mine in heaven? Did God just send you again as in Hannah or Maizer? Does anyone know how this works? I am feeling the need to have your opinion, to be guided in some way so that I can be at peace when I think of my baby that never came to be. A baby that was REAL and upsets me to think has been forgotten. I haven't forgotten. I love you always little baby.

4 comments:

smerkley said...

I know exactly how you feel. I was only about 4-6 weeks along when we lost our baby. I don't care what anyone says, from the time you know your pregnant thats a baby to you and you love it just the same. I'm not sure how it all works. Some people say they come to you later as other children others say you can raise them in heaven. I just don't know. When I lost her (I decided it was a girl) I looked and researched and found absolulty nothing about it. So I really don't know. All I know it is that she was real to me she was my baby I don't care how far along you are at the time they are still real to you and very much wanted. If you feel like you want to talk about it feel free to email me or something. I wish I had answers but I have never found any.

Sants said...

I think that the church has no official doctrine. Larry's mom had a miscarriage, then later a little boy. When he was two he said that he was getting ready to come to the family but something was wrong with his body so he had to wait. In that case, Larry's mom FOR SURE felt that he was the miscarried baby.

I have no answers. Lots of thoughts and ideas and sympathy ...

Good luck in your search.

Kelli said...

You know, I guess I've always just thought that whether the baby dies early in pregnancy or right before it's birth it doesn't matter. I think that it was the beginning of a creation, had a heartbeat and a form of flesh, therefore I just assumed "we" had done our jobs as mothers by giving that spirit the body they needed for the next life. I really don't know if that's how it really is, but it makes sense to me and helps a lot with coping with such a sad thing. What "Sants" said really made sense to me too, I just had never thought of that. Either way, I'm sure every spirit gets a chance.

Michael Laura Jonah Ryker said...

I have felt the same way, after having 5 miscarriages it was hard not to think of them all as my babies, that I could never hold (at least in this life) but I have thought that those spirits did get their tiny bodies and that's all they needed and I would be able to raise them and enjoy them in the life to come. And Although I still get very emotional when I think about each miscarriage I had I find peace in the hope that I can see them again someday and have them as a part of my family. I also know how you felt you had to just get on with life I had Jonah before I had any miscarriages so I still had to try to be happy and "normal" for him, it was tough and I remember thinking "I can't go through this again" but the Lord gives us challenges that we CAN overcome and grow stronger from. I hope you find some answers that help bring you comfort, good luck!