Sunday, July 12, 2009

An Ode to Katie

There are some things in life that touch you so deeply. A memory, a smell, a touch, a look, and in this case .... a song.

Oh how I love my sisters. But this little sister of mine is the sister I wish to write about today. There has always been a sweet connection to my sister Katie. As our life paths have taken us down very different roads she has never been out of my thoughts or out of my prayers or far from my heart.

We grew up with a mother who had a hard life and committed suicide when I was 12. Katie was only 8. This experience was confusing, sad, chaotic, and much more. All three of us girls, my mother's daughters, were tossed into the air and where we would land defined our future. Unfortunately for my little Katie Bug it was in my mother's footsteps. A life held down by drugs and Katie's drug of choice is a meth addiction. A love/hate relationship that the song below so amazingly describes. This song has touched my soul and has brought me back once again to my Katie.

Where is she now? After a year clean she has been seduced yet again by the never ending pull of sweet release, disgusting release, loving release, sickening release. I can not win. This awful desire is stronger than my love for her. I have spent all my strength and energy wrenching her free from it's grasp so that she may gain back her sense of worth, the worth I know she has. Oh, the tears I cry yearning for a life filled with purpose and joy and love for my sweet sister.

I may not have power over this evil called meth but I laugh in it's face! Because I do have power in MY purpose. I have STRENGTH in my convictions, my love, my sisterhood. I will never give up on her. I will never let her go. I will never stop telling her the truth in the midst of the lies that surround her.

Katie - You are LOVED. You are worth EVERYTHING. You have my DEVOTION. We will always be SISTERS. This bond can not be broken by the destruction you cling to.

I love you.

The words above in bold is all I can give to you. My Strength.

"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles

Click to listen to The Song

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone


I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that
You're keeping me down

Keeping me down
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You're on to me, on to me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...


paperglueetc said...

This is a beautiful post, I have also dealt with a lot of addiction through out my life and it's so hard to understand. I have never had a drug problem so I try hard not to judge, but sometimes I want to just shake my own sister and remind her what she is giving up. Thanks to the God I trust and love and lots of years at Alanon I just keep setting healthy boundaries and keep on loving her. I will pray for Katie.

roadrunner201 said...

I am sorry to hear that your sister has fallen back to drugs. I have not been personally touched by meth, but I have had several students during my 7 year teaching career who were. I get so angry for them. You truly understand God's grace the way that you do not harbor anger. I will pray for Katie and I will pray for you to continue to be this strength.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

I can't imagine how hard this post must have been for you to write. I will keep you and your sister Katie in my prayers.

.·:*¨¨*:·.Hep*Hep*Hooray said...

that was a nice post for your sister. i hope she is able to come clean again. she is lucky to have you there for her when she needs it. we will keep you and her in our prayers.